Archive for the 'Humor' Category

PSA: Phony Pheminists

Terri Whitehouse September 15th, 2008

Aww, how precious. Conservatives have gone and discovered pheminism. A whole week-ish after I called it like I saw it, B. Hussein Osama’s uppity ass went and said that the same old bullshit by any other name still stinks.

It doesn’t just stink. It STANKS!

At any rate, it’s really sweet to see the GOP hustle at developing their pheminist muscles. (No, I’m not talking about kegels.) To the conservatives out there who are new to pheminism, I’d like to offer a very brief rundown of the concept. I understand that you’ve dedicated your whole lives to harming women’s physical, psychological, and financial well-being, so there are bound to be early failures. Pheminism, like any asset worth having, doesn’t develop over night. You’ve got to practice!

First off, rushing to the defense of your VP, as though she were a Damsel in Distress and not a damn pit bull-skinned moose hunter is problematic. Read and learn. No, rape is nowhere near as bad as some boy being a big meanie, but I think the same concept applies.

Secondly, please understand the difference between “feminism” and “pheminism.” Feminists are a bunch of fugly, hairy, man-hating sluts that care about shit like getting paid, and not dying as a result of pregnancy. Real trivial crap.

Pheminists, on the other hand, are beautiful, non-threatening white women (mostly) who collect wingnut welfare and have made hefty money putting bitches in their place. Intellectually, feminists win hands down, but who wants to hang with a bunch of humorless brainiacs? Pheminists are women, so you don’t have to hide or feel all guilty about your deep-seeded innate hatred of them.

Finally, it’s 2008, not 1968. Therefore, it’s probably not the brightest idea to call out supposed sexist attacks by reverting back to racist dogwhistles. While it’s admirable that you’re coming to pheminism in the 9th inning, better not to do it on the back of racism. That’s not how feminism works.

This is.

(x-posted: B&P)

Cat, “Schooch”, Watches “If I Were A Terrorist” Youtube Video!!

Jim Pence May 7th, 2008

This is not serious stuff, just a little humor!!!!
March 2008, I put up a video called, “If I were A Terrorist”.
Today I received the following Youtube account message:
Did u see my comment?
May 07, 2008

I’m new to learning how to upload and use UTube but I liked your commentry about what I would do if i were terrorist so I asked you (under comments) if there was any problem with uploading video of my cat with him listening to you or any other person such as Michael Moore, Jon Stewart, etc. I didn’t know I could send message here.
I see I can attach the video and do you like the title? “Cat listens to News Commentary” and then I credited it to Hillbilly and Pence where I assume it originated from? Your video is also listed under my favorites and I subscribed too which I’m not sure what that means. All my other videos are listed under pets and animals but I put this under News etc.
So do u have any problem with that and is there any copywrite infringement? I have had 15 views but no comments. It was my first attempt to get some attention to this interesting POV and wasn’t sure how to title it. Please help. Thanks. (chellamia)

 

Cat contemplating news commentary

Schooch and I were listening to James Pence video called “If I were a Terrorist” posted by the Hillbilly Report. Wonder what he thinks about all this?

Bad News For The Trolls!

Terri Whitehouse March 5th, 2008

Republican Rep. Tim Couch is an idiot, and I have it on good authority from Mike Rotch that Rep. Couch has really bad breath, wears a Bro, and listens to Journey:

HB 775 (BR 1943) - T. Couch

AN ACT relating to information technology.
Create new sections of KRS Chapter 369 to establish definitions relating to Internet Web sites, blogs, or message boards; require registration prior to posting information to these interactive services; identify persons, businesses, or entities that post information to these interactive services; establish penalty provisions.

Mar 4-introduced in House

Thanks. I Needed That.

Terri Whitehouse January 30th, 2008

Breaking news:

Members of Congress assured Americans that they have a definitive plan for reviving the slumping economy when they unveiled on Monday a bold new fiscal stimulus package that calls for the purchase of a pair of alpacas.

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) said the proposal, which is expected to solve the sub-prime mortgage crisis, boost consumer confidence, and pump much-needed liquid capital into the market, will be put into motion as soon as the first issue of Alpaca World magazine arrives and Congress has a chance to go through the catalog and select the perfect mating pair.

Your Tax Dollars At Work

Terri Whitehouse December 11th, 2007

H. Res. 847: Recognizing the importance of Christmas and the Christian faith, with NKY’s very own Rep. Geoff Davis signed on as cosponsor.

Your lesson: Christians rule and children drool.

Space Cowboy breaks it on down at Shakesville.

GEORGE BUSH IS GETTING NUTTIN’ FOR CHRISTMAS, CAUSE HE’S DONE BEEN CAUGHT IN A LIE, YOUTUBE VIDEO.

Jim Pence December 6th, 2007

SENATOR LARRY CRAIG AND BIG DICK!!!!

Jim Pence August 31st, 2007

larrycraigbigdick.jpg

ERNIE FLETCHER’S TEN COMMANDMENTS IN A STATE OF EVOLUTION!

Jim Pence August 22nd, 2007

tencomweb.jpg

TURD BLOSSOM IS GONE YOUTUBE VIDEO

Jim Pence August 14th, 2007

Schadenfreude: Louisville-area Young Republican gets caught with hand in the cookie jar, so to speak

Matt Gunterman August 8th, 2007

Hey! One of this guy’s fellow Young Republicans turned him in! Bad Young Republican! Didn’t you learn anything from the example of Scooter Libby? Take one for the team, man. Take one for the team! By the way, as AMERICAblog is reporting, this sort of activity isn’t the first on the record of Clark County Republican Chairman Glenn Murphy Jr.

GOP official in Clark investigated
Murphy accused of deviate conduct

By Ben Zion Hershberg

The Clark County Sheriff’s Department investigated an allegation of criminal deviate conduct last month against county Republican Chairman Glenn Murphy Jr., but no charges have been filed, Sheriff Danny Rodden said yesterday.

Murphy announced yesterday that he had stepped down from the party post as well as chairman of the Young Republican National Federation, the same day a report by the sheriff’s office on the investigation was posted on a blog listed on the Indiana Democratic Party Web site.

Rodden confirmed that the report came from his office but added, “I don’t know how it got to where it did.” He referred questions to the county prosecutor’s office.

Chief Deputy Prosecutor Bill Grimes declined to comment.

Murphy could not be reached for comment on the blog posting.

But Larry Wilder, Murphy’s lawyer, said he had discussed the report with Rodden and the prosecutor’s office.

“It is Mr. Murphy’s position that no crime occurred,” Wilder said. “It is his position that what occurred, occurred between two consenting adults.”

Wilder also said such reports are supposed to be kept confidential by police until a decision has been made by prosecutors about whether to file charges. He said he was disappointed that something of such a sensitive nature had been leaked in “a vindictive political process.”

Jennifer Wagner, communications director for the Indiana Democratic Party, said that she operates the blog during her free time and that its content is independent of the party.

Wagner declined to say how she obtained the report but said that as a well-known Democratic blogger, “I get all kinds of documents.”

Wagner said she did not post it for political purposes.

“It is up to law enforcement and judicial officials in Clark County to decide” if a crime was committed, Wagner said.

Wilder said Murphy’s resignation announcement from the GOP positions was unrelated to the blog posting. He said Murphy had been pursuing a major client for his advertising agency for months and recently won the contract, but the client won’t allow Murphy to engage in partisan politics.

Murphy, who lives in Utica, said earlier this summer when he was elected chairman of the Young Republicans national group that he would soon step down as county Republican chairman.

According to the sheriff’s report, the incident occurred July 29 after a Young Republicans party at a home in Jeffersonville. Several people, including Murphy and the alleged male victim, had been drinking and had been advised to sleep at the home, the report said.

It also said that the alleged victim told an investigator that he was contacted later by Wilder and was asked “what he wanted in order to resolve this situation.”

Wilder said he was not making a monetary offer.

Wilder said Murphy is cooperating with the sheriff and prosecutor’s office in the investigation.

Sen. Mitch McConnell Is a Heckuva Busy Man!

Terri Whitehouse August 2nd, 2007

Between hiring a stealthy campaign strategist for his 2008 reelection campaign, working to amend the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, and reluctantly voting for greater transparency in government, how on earth does Sen. Mitch McConnell find the time to draft some b.s. anti-family and anti-children legislation and find the nerve to call it the “Kids First Act”?

Being a literary sort of person, I should probably recognize this whole nonsense of cleverly naming legislation so that Americans will not be outraged at what the legislation really says and does as an ironic device. Fortunately, my low-brow aesthetic most always trumps my literary one, and from here on out I will refer to this practice (system, manner, or condition) as it occurs in politics, as “oppositism.” The noun “oppositicity” will describe the state or quality of being of an “oppositist” mindset. An “oppositist” shall henceforth refer to any politician who insults my intelligence by engaging in oppositism.

My E-Mail to the KY GOP

Joe Sonka July 21st, 2007

(crossposted at BlueGrassRoots)

In response to the top three news items on the KY GOP’s website, I was forced to send them a friendly letter.

Item #1- They cite the 2 week old poll showing Beshear and Fletcher in a close race, which "shows" that Fletcher’s "leadership" in calling for the special session gave him a huge bump in the polls.

Item #2- They post an absolutely hilarious letter from Ned Flanders Stan Lee to his opponent Jack Conway, asking him to oppose Beshear gaming expansion, or as Ned Stan puts it, "his desire to see casinos in every county across the commonwealth". Basically, he cites studies showing that casinos lead to rape, robbery, drugs, aggravated assault, embezzlement, prostitution, divorce, motor vehicle theft, murder, suicide and abortions. Wow! But he buries the lead: “In 2002, the Indiana Gaming Commission fined the Belterra Casino $2.2 million for providing prostitutes to its customers. As part of the investigation into the prostitution scandal, it was reported that casino owners would send female ‘player development managers’ into surrounding communities to lure gentlemen back to the casino boats. One such female casino employee even stated that she was told to go to the popular bars and nightclubs in Lexington and pick up gentlemen to bring back to the casino.” Oh my.

Item #3: They post a column from right-wing nutjob Hugh Hewitt, in which he lavishes praise on McConnell for the filibuster to enable Bush’s Iraq policy.

My response:

Some comments on the three top stories on your website right now:

#1: I see that you posted the poll that showed the Governor’s race as being tight 2 weeks ago, just wondering why you haven’t posted the new SUSA poll showing Beshear stomping Fletcher? Perhaps the internet tubes are clogged and you haven’t received those yet. If so, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

#2: Is it wrong to ask about the causal linkage of casinos with rape and divorce? I’d be really interested to hear this explanation, especially from Ned Stan himself. And as far as the attractive women that go to bars in Lexington to pick up men: I need the names of the bars, Ned Stan. The NAMES, damnit!. Don’t Bogart this info just because you’re not interested, share the wealth.

#3: Additionally, I am glad that you finally found one conservative pundit that actually isn’t ashamed of Mitch McConnell. I know that this has been really difficult to find. I do like the fact that he’s praising Mitch for wrapping the Iraq anchor around the GOP’s neck too, it’s a nice touch.

All the best,
Joe

In a simpler time, before Kentucky was troubled by Fundamentalist Christian politicos and their eschatology-driven agenda, we had The Colonel

Matt Gunterman July 11th, 2007

Who needs the comforts of Higher Powers when the flesh-and-blood Colonel Sanders has everything you need?

Seriously, what sort of husband would leave his wife alone for a stroll through the garden with a pimp-daddy like Sanders?

H/T: Boing Boing

Who Knew? America’s secret grudge against Republican President William McKinley

Matt Gunterman July 4th, 2007

I’ve been thinking about it all afternoon: why do Americans hate the memory of President William McKinley so? Check out the latest Rasmussen Reports “Presidential Favorables” survey and notice that McKinley’s “Very Unfavorables” are — lo and behold — as high as the man he precedes on the list: George W. Bush. What tainted this Republican’s legacy so? Could it be the 1890 McKinley Tariff and his general policy of prosperity through protectionism? And, what’s even more puzzling about the whole wretched number is that fully 35% of the American people don’t know enough about the man to form an opinion of him. Hmmmmm.

Rasmussen Reports “Presidential Favorables” Survey 2007

United We Stand, Divided We Fall

Terri Whitehouse July 2nd, 2007

No matter what your political leanings may be, there is surely one source of common ground for all Kentuckians: Springfield, KY, is the “real” Springfield, and, as such, is a great source of civic pride. Please watch the videos and vote for Springfield, KY in The Simpsons Movie hometown premiere contest.

More Creationist Wingnuttery, Wearing a Tinfoil Hat

Joe Sonka June 12th, 2007

This letter to the editor was actually published in a Kentucky newspaper. I think its a pretty good representation of the kind of mindset and mental health that it takes to believe that Adam and Eve played fetch with dinosaurs 6,000 years ago while their kids were busy fucking.

Let me just summarize the wonderful pontification in the letter. The evolution “mythology” and science being taught in our schools is “dumbing down” our kids. This is being taught so the “Illuminati” and the Rockefeller family can control our kids. Oh, and they control the Federal Reserve and engage in occult activities, too. Also, her family loved the Creation Museum and the animatronic dinosaurs “concretely prove that God created the heavens and the earth”.

I really do hope that they chose to run this because it was funny, or they accidentally ran some wonderfully crafted snark.

(crossposted at BlueGrassRoots)

The Gay Bomb Post

Terri Whitehouse June 12th, 2007

So I vaguely remember hearing about the “gay bomb” some time ago, and figured it was probably one I needed to Snopes. As it turns out, it was for real:

As part of a military effort to develop non-lethal weapons, the proposal suggested, “One distasteful but completely non-lethal example would be strong aphrodisiacs, especially if the chemical also caused homosexual behavior.”

The documents show the Air Force lab asked for $7.5 million to develop such a chemical weapon.

I may be way off base here, but do you think the the “gay bomb” conversation preceded the Pink Floyd/Wizard of Oz discussion and subsequent run for the border.

Fun at the Creation Museum!!!

Joe Sonka June 9th, 2007

I went to the truly insane “Creation Museum” last Saturday and have my full report up on BlueGrassRoots.

I’m a big fan of dark, unintentional humor, and that’s exactly what I got in my visit. What’s certainly not funny is that I could definitely see certain “Christian Academies” across the State (that teach Creationism in their school) bringing their students here on field trips. To call that child abuse would be appropriate in my opinion.

It also reinforces many, many negative stereotypes about Kentucky.

Another relevant question is how do our representatives stand on the museum? Do they endorse its views? Would they take their children there? Is this an appropriate field trip for students?

I haven’t heard any politicians take on this yet, and I’d be interested to hear it.

Anyway, I leave you a picture of Pebbles Flintstone and her pet Velaciraptor, Dino.




Subpoenas: Now With Immunity

Terri Whitehouse May 25th, 2007

Happy Friday!

Red v. Blue: An Internet Primer

Matt Gunterman April 23rd, 2007

Just because it’s so funny. And true.

Senator Mitch McConnell: The Puppet

Jim Pence April 20th, 2007

It’s Howdy McCoody time in Washington! Featuring Mitch McConnell!

Jim Pence April 18th, 2007

Is Senator Mitch McConnell killing all the bees?

Matt Gunterman April 14th, 2007

The Coming Bee Rapture: Is Mitch McConnell at fault?

Is Senator Mitch McConnell killing all the bees?

I’ll admit the answer is probably no, but I’m not ruling it entirely out. If he didn’t do it out of pure malice, he might do it out of sheer incompetence.

No, on a more serious note, the reason I’m posting this article is because DMKY.com’s target audience is Kentucky and agriculture is incredibly important to Kentucky. And bees are important to agriculture and well over half the bees are dying in this nation for no good reason. We don’t know why.

The article I’m excerpting is an English translation of a German-language piece from Germany’s Der Spiegel. I found the quote from Albert Einstein in the second paragraph particularly haunting:

A mysterious decimation of bee populations has German beekeepers worried, while a similar phenomenon in the United States is gradually assuming catastrophic proportions. The consequences for agriculture and the economy could be enormous.

[...]

As far back as 2005, Haefeker ended an article he contributed to the journal Der Kritischer Agrarbericht (Critical Agricultural Report) with an Albert Einstein quote: “If the bee disappeared off the surface of the globe then man would only have four years of life left. No more bees, no more pollination, no more plants, no more animals, no more man.”

Mysterious events in recent months have suddenly made Einstein’s apocalyptic vision seem all the more topical. For unknown reasons, bee populations throughout Germany are disappearing — something that is so far only harming beekeepers. But the situation is different in the United States, where bees are dying in such dramatic numbers that the economic consequences could soon be dire. No one knows what is causing the bees to perish, but some experts believe that the large-scale use of genetically modified plants in the US could be a factor.

[...]

One thing is certain: Millions of bees have simply vanished. In most cases, all that’s left in the hives are the doomed offspring. But dead bees are nowhere to be found — neither in nor anywhere close to the hives. Diana Cox-Foster, a member of the CCD Working Group, told The Independent that researchers were “extremely alarmed,” adding that the crisis “has the potential to devastate the US beekeeping industry.”

[...]

Millions of bees disappearing? Did scripture foretell of a bee rapture in the End Times? Are the other bees being LEFT BEHIND?!

It is particularly worrisome, she said, that the bees’ death is accompanied by a set of symptoms “which does not seem to match anything in the literature.”

In many cases, scientists have found evidence of almost all known bee viruses in the few surviving bees found in the hives after most have disappeared. Some had five or six infections at the same time and were infested with fungi — a sign, experts say, that the insects’ immune system may have collapsed.

The scientists are also surprised that bees and other insects usually leave the abandoned hives untouched. Nearby bee populations or parasites would normally raid the honey and pollen stores of colonies that have died for other reasons, such as excessive winter cold. “This suggests that there is something toxic in the colony itself which is repelling them,” says Cox-Foster.

It’s a fascinating and worrisome phenomenon.

Will the Oysters put Mitch McConnell And Rush Limbaugh In A Liberal Mood?

Jim Pence April 9th, 2007

Who’s going to be Mitch’s date to the awards ceremony where he’ll pick up his GOP Hypocrite of the Week award?

Reckon Rush Limbaugh will chew the most toothless Senator Mitch McConnell’s food for him at the event? Wonder if ol’ “Limpball” took his Viagra before he picked up his ugly-ass date?

mitchhot.jpg

Herald-Leader: Easter Sunday in Kentucky

Matt Gunterman April 8th, 2007

From Joel Pett in today’s Lexington Herald Leader. How true. How true. And how many coaches have been crucified on that cross?

Easter Sunday in Kentucky by Joel Pett

Happy Easter. Or happy Passover. Or happy Sunday afternoon on the couch watching golf and eating leftovers. It’s all good.

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