Explaining Mitch McConnell’s strange, strange behavior via his many neuroses
Matt Gunterman February 7th, 2008
The whisperers in Washington (which is everyone in Washington, after all) have always liked to whisper about Sen. Mitch McConnell (R).
There’s just something not right about the man; his discomfort in his own skin is so obvious as to be painful.
You know, he talks with a pronounced lisp because he struggles to hide his mid twentieth-century British-style teeth behind his lips each time he opens his mouth. Then there’s the slight limp that resulted from his fight against a weak childhood constitution. Then there’s that poor eyesight that got Mitch out of military service during the height of Vietnam. And — poor Mitch — his military service at that time was doubly — two times! — obstructed because, as Sen. John Sherman Cooper (R) of Kentucky wrote in the summer of 1967 of the young man who would one day succeed him in the U.S. Senate, McConnell was going to matriculate at New York University in the fall of 1967.
I mean, just imagine McConnell’s humiliation when he not only did not matriculate at NYU that fall term — but he never got accepted in the first place. That’s pretty humiliating, you know.
No-one ever accused McConnell of being overly bright, but to have a U.S. Senator trumpeting a non-existent matriculation to your commanding officer like that — well — that’s just unseemly.
I’m sure McConnell gets the vapors even today just thinking about it.
And, back to the subject of his not being terribly bright, have you ever looked into McConnell’s eyes before? Well, I have on a few occasions, and it the experience just kind of reminds you of looking into the eyes of a bull. It’s kind of a deep, blank stare. You know there’s not much mental process going on behind those eyes, but you also know there’s a brutal instinct behind them.
Now, I’ve just been reviewing McConnell’s substantial neuroses because, first, they affect all our lives because he’s a man in power and, second, I think they are instructive in explaining McConnell’s rather strange behavior as of late.
For instance, why did McConnell try to destroy Graeme Frost and his family last year when McConnell was fighting with every ounce of his being to keep millions of sickly children from getting health care that they desperately need?
I can only say that the reason is that McConnell doesn’t want sick children today to get off easy like he did back in his childhood days. You know, perhaps if McConnell had developed a better work ethic as a child, he’d have gotten into NYU for real in 1967. Just remember, Graeme, McConnell was hating on you for your own good!
And, why would McConnell more recently go and get Heather Ryan fired from her job down in Paducah? I can only explain that it’s because Ryan has such a pretty smile, and McConnell’s just purely jealous. I’m pretty sure there’s just a part of McConnell that wants to be pretty. Yes, there’s a side to him would give up all the fame and glory just to be a modern-day Claudia Cardinale just for a day!
Continuing on, however, just yesterday, McConnell moved — as the nation careens into the depths of a second Bush administration — to kill a stimulus package that would give needed funds to the elderly, disabled veterans, the unemployed, and small businesses.
Why? Why does McConnell ate the old so? My heart tells me that his own advancing years remind him of his political mortality: to grow old means eventual retirement. And for McConnell to retire soon would simply mean so many of his goals go unachieved. He will now never be Majority Leader of the U.S. Senate. He will forever live in the shadow of Democrat Alben W. Barkley , who served the nation at an even greater level as vice president. So, McConnell will always be two rungs below Barkley. Moreover, McConnell has spent his entire career dismantling the New Deal legacy of Barkley. Thus, we can say that McConnell’s entire political philosophy is merely derivative of that of Barkley. There is nothing original or exceptional to him.
Why? Why does McConnell hate the disabled veterans so? Is it because McConnell was unable to serve during his own time of war? Was it because McConnell was not able to be a disabled vet himself? That is the only reason I can think of.
Why? Why does McConnell hate the unemployed so? Is it because McConnell himself has never been able to hold a real job? Is it because he has always lived off the public tit — as a leech — and never contributed to the nation’s productivity and national wealth?
Why? Why does McConnell hate the small businesses so? Again, it must be for the reasons above. They are productive. They create. McConnell only sucks dry and destroys. Really, truly, McConnell sucks so much. He just sucks and sucks and sucks some more.
These reasons, my dear friends, are the only ones I can think of to explain why McConnell would prevent Americans and Kentuckians from getting the help they desperately need in this Republican recession that we are entering.
- Mitch McConnell , Neuroses of McConnell
- Comments(21)
And Matt, here’s why he hates you. He applied to Yale but wasn’t smart enough to get in. Unlike you.
People who aren’t smart enough to get into Yale tend to go to schools like Syracuse and have an inferiority complex. It’s true.
Double snap.
I want to see Mitch go as much as you do. But to resort to petty personal attacks will alienate moderate independent supporters like me.
It is sufficient to point out in detail how he is an enemy of representative government and is bias to special interests.
I don’t care if he hates me or not, but he is not good for Kentucky and or the United States of America, but I would like to thank Mitch for giving Kentucky a Congressional Candidate, in Kentucky’s 1st district.
ps We’ll be lucky if all we get is a recession, I see depression on the horizon.
jim
In my opinion, moderate independents get the vapors too easily.
If you want objectivity and quantification, I’d say this isn’t the place.
And Mitch McConnell’s political machine is the most petty institution of all.
And I’m very much of the Hillary Clinton school when it comes to dealing with Republicans: use their own medicine against them.
I lobby in DC for transportation and finance issues. Paul is so right on this -
What you both need to realize is that the Republicans and Democrats play
the same game. Just the faces change…….. The Clintons were some of the
worst. I was a Clinton supporter both terms. I look beyond the dirt and
get what my clients want. Good roads, safe bridges, and fair finance laws……
Matt, you need to grow up and calm down. You have a great opportunity
here to share you progressive thoughts and have people listen. Do not be
another Rush or Ann Coulter….. They have the right to their views, they are
just mean in the way they express it. I guess if you want to sell a book it’s
okay….. Right??
Ann328,
You make a really good point about the game is the same, the players just change. I can’t help but recall the Carter administration when the interest rates climbed to 18%. I could be wrong but I think that was a democratic administration. Unfortunately, with the exception of Jim Pence, everyone else affiliated with this blog site was in no higher than junior high school.
You guys have no idea who or what you are dealing with and I don’t mean McConnell or Whitfield in particular. I mean the real political world. I applaud your ambition. I truly do. You would have loved the 60’s. Try getting your head split by the police at the Political national Conventions and then we’ll talk. Until then, blog on.
Thank you again, I was a Reagan supporter, not that I did not respect Jimmy
Carter. I thought my mother would kick me out of the house. I support
that candidate that will help e-commerce for small towns. If Mitch is willing
to financially support growth in KY, especially small cities that can not afford
it, I will use him to get it. I do not have to go to bed with any of these representatives, just present my clients needs in a respectfully way. What I
do in the poll booth is my personal right. I love this country…. Don’t you Matt
Have a good one……..
What is “e-commerce for small towns” supposed to mean, really? Do you mean broadband Internet access? And how is Mitch McConnell going to do that? With a massive earmark? Or is he going to singlehandedly start a program through the U.S. Senate? How is “e-commerce” going to markedly improve the lives of people in rural communities? I’d be interested to know.
What would — without a doubt — revolutionize life in rural communities would be universal health care. It would increase the purchasing power of rural dollars and improve average quality of life substantially. It would do so because it would represent a massive redistribution of wealth from the higher classes in urban/suburban areas to rural peoples, who are far more likely to be poor or working class.
What’s e-commerce going to do? That’s like saying just because every rural town has a paved main street, then economic prosperity is going to follow. Rural communities need investments in education and they also need to develop cultures that appreciate education. Having grown up in a rural community, I don’t romanticize them; they are what they are, and sometimes they are as they are because predominant attitudes and beliefs.
What sort of dumb-ass question is “Don’t you [love this country] Matt[?] (as questions should end in question marks).
You know it’s easy to sit at a computer and type the words, “I love this country;” to tell you the truth, I love the American people, and the nation is an extension of that. We make the country far more than the country makes us. In fact, since a country is an inanimate object, I’d say that it’s a process entirely up to the people.
That’s why I fight for hearts and minds. You can sit there and profess that you love the country all that you want, but in the end it’s people who do the work, who recruit to their side, who develop and promote creeds — it’s those people who win the battle for the people and thus the country.
Dear Matt,
You are an artist/writer and please excuse my lack of a question mark at the
end of my email to you. You have to realize that our downtowns have taken
a huge hit from the box store mentality. I am not against box store growth,
but your Senator McConnell has supported our Waterfront Project and I am
working with him to secure more. Do you know how much business
“e-commerce” that will bring to the lovely City of Paducah? See, I remembered
my punctuation. I really do not give a crap if that money comes from an
earmark or not. This is another myth in the public that earmarks are the devil
money. Not necessarily so. Over 60 Billion dollars a year (earmarks) go to
cities and towns that need help, bridges, highways, development of the arts,
etc. They will never go away and will never go to support healthcare. I live
part time in VT where we have an okay health care system. Better than KY, but
I hope to be a positive force is seeing that change. You could too. I do not care for Mitt Romney, but he has a very interesting plan in place in MA. Very close to Hilliary’s original health care plan. I may be the “dumb-ass” you think I am, but I am out there every day working for the small business owner
and will soon work with the KY Farm Bureau to increase funding for farmers
who want to change their crops in order to grow crops for alternate fuel sources or organic farming practices. I will never insult you to make myself
look better. Do not need to… God bless you my friend……. One more thing,
it is always the people that make the country a place to love.
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